So Very Dark

* I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
– but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian
* The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table
was Sir Cumference

– He acquired his size from too much pi

* She was only a moonshiners daughter,
– but he loved her still
* A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because
– it was a weapon of math disruption

* The butcher backed into the meat grinder
– and got a little behind in his work

* No m atter how much you push the envelope,
– it’ll still be stationery

* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
– and was cited for littering

* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in
– Linoleum Blownapart

* Two silk worms had a race
– They ended up in a tie

* Time flies like an arrow
– Fruit flies like a banana

* A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall
– The police are looking into it

* Atheism is a non-prophet organization

* Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway
– One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll
go on a head”

* I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger
– Then it hit me

* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
‘Keep off the Grass’

* A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a
hospital When his grandmother telephoned to ask
how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet”

* A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion
* The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was
– a small medium at large

* The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now
– a seasoned veteran

* A backward poet writes inverse

* In democracy it’s your vote that counts
– In feudalism it’s your count that votes

* When cannibals ate a missionary,
– they got a taste of religion

* Don’t join dangerous cults
– Practice safe sects!