So Very Dark

Perennial self-doubt afflicts all of us with creative natures, or so I have gathered from the not insubstantial data I have accumulated thus far.  My number had been called at the counter in recent weeks and I had stepped up to place an order for half a pound of ‘I’ll never amount to anything’, a pound of ‘I’ve been fooling myself if I think I have talent’ and two shanks of old fashioned ‘I suck’.

Today, however, my order was apparently confused with another customer’s, because when I opened the clean white wrappings I didn’t find the cuts I had requested.  It seems I somehow ended up with ‘I can do it!’, ‘I have a future’ and enough delicious ‘I am creative, talented and dedicated’ to feed me for at least a week.

Before I left the house today, Briggs handed me an envelope from a family friend.  My mother had purchased and gifted her one of my calenders, and it seems she enjoyed it.  She sent me a card full of lovely comments regarding almost every picture in it, which was a wonderful ego booster in and of itself, but along with that, she sent me $40 just, I suppose, to…support my art?

With such a heady start, and guaranteed coffee cash (hey, something’s gotta keep the art machine running) I began my day at school with a much more positive outlook.  Then, a friend I was chatting with online told me that friends she had invited to her house for the New Year had greatly admired work of mine she had up on her wall.  I felt full to bursting with praise.

Then came the topper on my inspiration-sundae of a day.

In my Wednesday afternoon class, we have a quarter-long assignment that involves teaming up with a graduating Photography student to do layout and design for a photobook that displays their thesis photography project.  We had been instructed to bring in samples of our layout-centric design work as we would be interviewed by the Photography students as they decided who they wanted to work with.  We were also warned that we should also choose a fall-back project option, as there weren’t enough Photography students to go around and we might not be among the chosen.  I trepidatiously began compiling ideas for a 16-page clothing catalog, as I know that layout isn’t my strongest skill and figured that I might have to work on a less-interesting solo project.

Then we went upstairs to meet with the Photography class.

At a couple points, I was interviewing with three people at once.  Towards the end of the meeting, a girl came up and asked if I was Rachel, because “a bunch of people were talking about how great your work is and I figured I should come see it.”

I don’t have a graceful and well-worded conclusion to offer, and because I have pizza waiting for me in the next room, I’m not going to try to create one, but I just wanted to tell everyone that, despite the fact that my dress is rubbing and wrinkling after a day of wear and my back hurts from sitting in a stupid uncomfortable college desk, by golly, I had a heck of a good day.